Lost Motivation

I know I am not keeping up with my blog like I said I would. I just haven't had much to blog about lately. We have had my mother in law staying with us since last Thursday and it has been nice. She can be so funny sometimes but that is what I love about her. She has even been very helpful to me/ us. Ashtyn has been enjoying the grandma time she has been getting. Not sure if I want her to go home just yet and I don't think she is ready to go either.
Well like I said there is not much else to blog about right now but maybe in the next few days, we got somethings going on but nothing to report on till we know for sure.

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4 Weeks Begins

Yesterday started my 4 week Biggest Loser workout. The reason I say 4 weeks is because I am not in shape at all and I needed to start out a little bit slower but guess what there is no such thing even for a thirty minute workout with the Biggest Loser. My legs, back, part of my arms hurt and I feel a little bit in my abdomen too. The pain in my butt area was not what I was expecting this morning when I sat down. Now I am not complaining about all this pain this is the first workout I have done where I felt it the first day and I can't wait to do my workout later today. I just have to get my eating habits in check, do you know how hard it is to do this when everyone else around doesn't take well to changes. It has to be done though we are not kids anymore. I wanna be able to keep up with my child and any other children we may have.

Have any of you ever watched the Biggest Loser show? You seen on there where they are crying and saying they had enough and some even get to the point where they puke. I was there yesterday and I will never have a negative thing to say about that anymore. You can ask Bill I was laid out on the floor and saying I can't do this my body can't take that. I had sweat just rolling of my face and breathing very hard. The next time I watch that show I will be crying right along with them understanding their pain but also be the one that is also telling them in the same breath you can do you have a reason for making your life better.


Starting weight: 187lbs
Next time to weigh in Tuesday 1/25/2011

Hope to see a change and maybe then the outcome we want will soon follow.

Road Trip

First let me just say Freaking Amazing!

I feel wonderful and love my husband so much. We got up this morning very early (5 am) to head out on the start of our road trip to my moms place and I call it a road trip because it is about 2 hrs from here one way. We took her in to town to do some shopping and then chatted for a bit before we headed back with a stop along the way back home to see some more family. The talks and cutting up along the way are too funny. Just driving through the little towns and see how they are either growing up or just the same as when you were a kid. It is just so beautiful compared to the city we live in. All the trees, grass, and sky for miles.
I love getting away just the three of us no computer, internet ( well now that is not so true we still had our phones), video games. Peaceful!

 I was so at peace with myself. Calm and relaxed for once too, hope this keeps up cause I could us more days like this. We have to get the house in order we have the carpet cleaners coming in on Wednesday and then my mother in law is coming Thursday to stay for a few days she has an appointment in Houston Friday and then we will be taking her back home.

I am gonna leave with a few goals that I need to have accomplished by the end of this coming Tuesday. I am not sure what all I need to have moved or if anything at all for when the cleaners come but I need to have swept the floors and mopped, vacuumed all carpets, picked up the kitchen and all rooms. I think it is going to be a little weird having them here to clean not use to having someone in our home and while hubby is at work. So that is :

1. vacuum
2. sweep
3. mop
4. tidy up all rooms

Night all this chick is headed to bed. 

Busy Little Me

The pain from yesterday was less today, still have the ripping feeling but more centered near my bladder. I was able to move around more. I got three loads of laundry done plus Ashtyn's big toy box cleaned out. I even got my area in the dinning room cleaned and organized.
I made my first Turkey meatloaf. It was very light and tasty but it still needed something else. Next time will be right on. I did the ranch baked red potatoes and pork-n-beans...Ashtyn picked them. It was so good.
Ha, on another note I am posting from my phone. Laying in bed watch some On Demand.

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Days Behind

Sorry, I know I said I was going to start blogging everyday or every other day. I just was not in the mood to even think of what to write about. I have not been in the best of moods the past few days and on top of that AF decided to send my gift along with major cramps this time or so I am now thinking there was more to it this month. I mean the pain I was and still am having is crazy this time and I can only remember a few other times it being this bad. The pain is more like some one took there hands and squeezed my spine ( the lower half that is) and then there is the pain that I started feeling today in my abdomen near where my ovaries usually give me problems and more towards my bladder ( like having your stomach pushed on and then someone poking with a knife or ripping feeling.) I can't really stand up straight because the pain is so bad. I have had to take pamprin for the pain cause it seems to be the only thing working right now. I am hoping I get to sleep through the night tonight. I just don't know what to think of this pain just thought I would share and maybe get your input on what is the deal. Oh then there is the amount of flow I have had it is bright red and full with clots lots of them little ones to ones about the size of a half dollar or maybe a bit bigger. I just hope this is the end of it tonight and tomorrow will be much better cause I am not sure I wanna keep going through this pain. Need to schedule a check up with my doctor soon.

Well nothing more to say tonight going to go lay down with a book and pray for some healing and peaceful sleep.

Consentrating Baby Plans

Having a hard time collecting my thoughts since the start of the new year. Do you find it hard to put down in writing what is really going on in your head? Sometimes it can be helpful but really it just makes things more confusing then they already are and I can't get what I need to say to myself or someone else correctly. Well, lately I have been doing a lot of thinking and my husband and I have had some talks about a few of the things that I have been thinking about. Oh and he changed jobs or I should say companies recently so that is weighing even on me right now, I am hoping that it all works out for the best. I find myself or at least my head that is rambling about different things. See now that is enough of my rambling about all this thinking I did and get more to the point of some very important outcomes to come or somethings we hope to get rolling this year.

I decided not to make any new years resolutions this year instead I went with setting a few goals for myself and my family. My goals are as follows:

1. Lose at least another 34lbs by my birthday in July
2. Get rid of excess baggage we are hanging onto.
   -stuff around the house taking up space.
   -plus the none useful stuff in our storage.
3. Blog everyday or least every other day.
4. Get the ball rolling on my daughters 5th Birthday Party (The Big Girl Party.)

Not directly related to my goals but more the one topic of conversation between my husband and I is having another baby. We have always wanted to have at least two children and were/ still are actively trying for baby number 2. I know I mentioned previously that I was told that I have PCOS...in other words both doctors that I have been to have never done any real testing nor did they do an ultra-sound. They just listened to what I described I was going through and looked at the fact that I was over-weight. They put two and two together and just agreed that PCOS was my problem. With my first doctor I went on Metformin which he said would help with regulating my periods and then I did at least 3 doses of  Clomid with no end results except for major mood swings and very emotional to the point that it caused me problems with working around people. ( I believe that this is why I still don't feel comfortable working with people.) I was heart broken through all this nothing was working for us and we sure did not have the money to keep at it at that point so I went back on the BC to keep my periods under control because of course the Metformin was not doing what the doctor had hoped it would. We moved to another town and was to far for me to keep driving back to that doctor and we were not really thinking about a baby at that specific time and we ended up adopting our daughter (you won't believe this but it just feel into our lap, but that can be discussed later on if you like) but I was off the BC by this time and I had not been to the doctor in over 2 years by then so I found another one closer to us we discussed all my past history and at that time we just were not ready for another baby so BC it was until I was ready. Well like the crazy scatter-brained woman I am I let my BC run out and we went through a lot of losing ourselves in raising our daughter, moving, moving again, then again to where we are now. All the while we never lose sight of wanting to expand our family by at least one more. I am currently not on any form of BC nor do I plan on being and I am currently 11 lbs lighter then I was just 4 months ago.

I leave you with this: Here is to a GREAT year and I send out my prayers and wishes to all those going through tough times and to those hoping that this year brings them a bundle of joy.

Christmas 2010

Well this Christmas season started out on a very stressing note this year. The transmission went out on the truck and had to be fixed the weekend before Christmas which in turn set back some already made plans. We had to put off a bill because we needed the money to buy the new transmission so that Bill could still get to work and that also meant that some gifts did not get bought nor given...if you want to know where yours is it is under the truck hehe.

I did however accomplish getting the blankets that I was making done. They turned out very nice. Pictures to come later today when I get them uploaded to my computer. I have more that I am going to be making and maybe even selling after the first of the year. We will see how that goes in the new year. We are going to be very busy these next few months after the first of the year, lots of things we have to do to get some stuff taken care of.

Had some little issues the day of Christmas however but we did not let that get in the way of us celebrating a very important time for us. It is sad to say that I had to block someone from seeing any post that I make to  my facebook because I did not appreciate nor did I ask for this person to say the things they said. I have been known back in the day to debut on somethings that I hold dear to my heart but never on this one subject nor do I really ever want to. I do not have a facebook to use for debuting on things unless I just down right ask in my post for others opinions on the matter. It was just one persons way of trying to make a very happy family time into a horrible time but we did not let that happen.

My Christmas was good for the most part being with some very loving and caring people was great but I was thinking about some very special people who we were not around this year (and in no way were we avoiding them we just had made other plans) and I know that they or at least one of them was having a very hard time this year. Our not being with my husbands family was in no way a reaction to drama that may be going on nor was it meant to make people feel we have issues with them. We needed to be able to have this time to our self and grieve (which we still are doing) in our own way. Holidays are hard on everyone and for us it is even harder when our FAMILY is so BIG. We try to make accommodations for everyone but with everyone being spread out it gets hard. Bill and I never intended on hurting anyone feelings but you have to understand that we don't make set plans for the holidays because nothing ever works out perfectly and things for us change because that just how we are. I don't think we will ever have set plans for much of anything but my Ashtyn's Birthday and our Anniversary (which this next one is going to be very hard on us cause it will be the one year mark of my Sister in Law Rhonda's passing.)

On another note, Ashtyn had a great Christmas, lots of gifts, and got to spend time with her cousins that she only gets to see a few times a year. She had a blast and was just telling me that she had a good dinner at her Me-maws and wants to know when we are going back up there. The girl loves getting to spend time with them. I think I hear a week in the summer coming soon but we will see. Santa brought one of the best gifts this year because she loves it so much, her Leapster 2, and it keeps her busy while I tend to other things. Oh and it has given me the best gift idea for her 5th birthday in April. Wow can't believe this little girl is going to be 5 next year and she will be starting school in the fall too.